BOVINE ECONOMICS

Here is a little help for all those who need a little more help understanding economics.

SOCIALISM:
- you have 2 cows
- you give one to your neighbor

COMMUNISM
-you have 2 cows
- the state takes both and gives you milk

FACISIM
- you have 2 cows
- the state takes both cows and sells you some milk

NAZISM
- you have 2 cows
- the states takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
-you have 2 cows
- the state takes both , shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
-you have 2 cows
- you sell one cow and buy a bull
- your herd multiples and the economy grows
- you sell them and retire on the income

SURREALISM
-you have 2 giraffes
- the government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
-you have 2 cows
-you sell one and force the other to produce the milk of 4 cows
- later you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
-you have 2 cows
- you sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associate general offer so that you get all 4 cows back with a tax exemption for 5 cows
- the milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company
-the annual report says the company owns 8 cows with an option on one more.
- you sell one cow to but a new president for the United States of America, leaving you with 9 cows
- no balance sheet provided with the release
- the public then buys the bull

THE ANDERSON MODEL
-you have 2 cows
- you shred them\

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
- you have 2 cows
- you redesign them so they are 1/10th the size of a regular cow and produce 20 times the milk
- you then create a clever cow cartoon image called "cowkimon" and market it to the world

GERMAN CORPORATION
- you have 2 cows
- you re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves

ITALIAN CORPORATION
-you have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are
- you decide to go to lunch

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
- you have 2 cows
- you county them and learn you have 5 cows
- you count them again and learn you have 42 cows
- you count them again and learn you have 2 cows
- you stop counting and open another bottle of vodka

SWISS CORPORATION
-you have 5000 cows, none of them belong to you
- you charge the owners a storage fee

CHINESE CORPORATION
- you have 2 cows
- you have 300 people milking them
- you claim that you have full employememnt and high bovine productivity
- you arrest the newsman who reported the real situation

INDIAN CORPORATION
-you have 2 cows
- you worship them

BRITISH CORPORATION
-you have 2 cows
-both are mad

IRAQI CORPORATION
- everyone thinks you have lots of cows
- you tell them you have none
- no one believes you , so they bomb the @$#% out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
- you have 2 cows
- the one on the left looks very attractive

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
- you have 2 cows
- business seems good
- you close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.